A Question about Polyamory, Romance, and Sex

I’ve been wondering something, when I read accounts of polyamory and polyamorous relationships.  I understand that people come to polyamory for a variety of different reasons–it might be about sex, it might be about relationship style, it might just be about relating to the world or about beliefs.  I tend to see a lot of accounts, though, that focus specifically on sexual openness and having sex with multiple people, which I find interesting.

I wonder how many people do come to polyamory because they are interested in having multiple sexual partners, specifically, or because they find sexual exclusivity untenable.

Polyamory can be about sexual relations, but it can also be about the freedom to let each interpersonal relationship in your life be exactly what it is.  It can simply be about the freedom to be romantic or affectionate towards a friend, a drive that many people naturally experience.

In a recent Poly Weekly podcast, Minx and Graydancer were talking about female sex drive.  I hadn’t thought much about low sex drive, but I realize that the impression in the poly community is often that your sex drive is low if you’re not having regular sex with multiple people.  I wonder if maybe poly people as a group tend to have a higher sex drive, and how that affects those in the poly community who have a lower sex drive or simply have less sex.  Is it harder to get involved in the community if this is the case?

Any thoughts on the issue would be more than welcome in comments.

This post was originally published on the blog Sex Positive Activism, which has now merged to become the sex & relationships section of Queer & Now.

One comment

  1. Speaking for myself, I didn’t bring in She Who Stays Up Late for the sex. Yes we have lots of sex, but having lived without sex for many years, it was not the primary motivation. I like having two wives. I like taking care of two women. I like the way we have become three couples living together rather than three isolated individuals. I see sex as a part of polyamory but less important than being able to love more than one person openly and honestly.

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